I Will Take Care Of You
by Marnie-May
Summary: Ste is forced to face his unresolved feelings following a tradgic accident.
1. Chapter 1

I Will Take Care of You

Chapter 1

It had been a year since their last romantic encounter that either of them was actually willing to admit happened and both seemed to be accepting their separate lives. Noah and Ste had moved out of the flat and now had their own in the middle of the village; Brendan was now the sole owner of the club which seemed to be thriving and all appeared to be going well…

Ste and Noah were at the club just enjoying a 80s theme night that Cheryl was banging on to Brendan about for months and Brendan was positively electric with alcohol intoxication. His new boyfriend Conal was also in a bit of a state and Brendan had decided to call it a night and take him home. He started to walk towards the door when Ste stopped him:-

"What are you doin' Brendan? You're too drunk to drive!"

"Don't ya worry Stephen I'm only going around the corner to drop Conal off then I'll be back."

"Then why can't you walk?"

"Ya know me Steven I like to travel in style! Now are we finished?"

Ste knew better then to question Brendan's actions and left him to it whilst secretly worrying. He thought to himself that Brendan must know what he is doing so he left it and went back to sit with Noah, who had by this time clocked onto the fact the Ste had been talking to Brendan.

"What does he want?"

"Nothin'" _(he kissed him on the lips)_

Outside Brendan was slogging Conal's limb, alcohol infested body into the passenger side of his car. Ste was watching him with eagle eyes which seemed to scream out jealous undertones, he could see Brendan struggling to put Conal's seatbelt on whilst keeping him in the car; but he restrained himself from helping and went back inside.

"Did ya have a nice night?"

"Yeah it was nice" (slurring his words and reaching for a bottle of Tequila)

"Naaa you've had enough" (he put Conal's hands firmly but securely back onto his lap)

Conal didn't take any notice if this instruction and carried on trying to reach the bottle with his left hand so it was just out of Brendan's reach.

"Conal I said leave it, you've have had enough."

Just as Brendan was turning away from Conal, who was by this time slumped over the side of the seat - a car came charging towards them with no signs of stopping. Brendan swerved the car in the opposite direction.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

BLACKNESS

Conal straighten his stiff neck and slowly raised his head from the side of the passenger seat where it had become lodged. It took him a moment to come into a clear vision and then he peered over to the driver's seat.

"Brrr…Bren…dan. BRENDAN!"

Brendan lay back in the driver's seat, lifeless and with blood on his face. Conal clambered from his seat and moved cautiously over to where Brendan was lying.

"Brendan can you hear me?" (_His voice was a first soft but then became more desperate as he realised Brendan wasn't responding to his touch)_ I am going to get some help ok? Don't you worry!

He reached into his coat pocket and called 999. The operator kept him talking whilst giving instructions until the ambulance came and took over.

"Hello can you hear me?"

It was the paramedic. Conal managed to muster a "in here" however his voice was slowly fading with the shock.

"What is your name son?" (_He was looking through the window with strangely reassuring eyes that Conal was trying hard to resist trusting)_

"Conal, my name is Conal O'Malley"

"Ok Conal I need you to help me, ok?" (Conal nodded as the paramedic_ opened the door slowly and crouched on the floor whilst another paramedic saw to Brendan)_

"Are you trapped on anything Conal?"

"No" (_His voice was breathless)_

"Ok good then I need you to pull on my arm so I can help get you out of the car. Do you understand?

"I can't leave him!" (He looked back at Brendan)

"He is getting the best possible care and the best thing you can do for him is let the paramedic work." (_He extended his hand and Conal latched on, his face was caring and invited confidence)_

Conal made his way out of car and into the back of an ambulance. He saw Brendan being pulled from the wreckage and immediately rushed on a stretcher. People surrounded him and Conal lost sight, but there was little time to long for his lover as Conal himself was injured and needed urgent medical attention.

At the hospital Conal was waiting in a cubical for the doctor to come back with his X-Rays. He was bewildered by the nights experience and lay back on the pillow, rubbing his saw, bruised eyes. Just when he started to relax into a semi-sleepy daze a nurse came in.

" Hello Mr O'Malley my name is Caroline and I'm the A&E nurse who is going to be looking after you ."

Conal produced a weak smile and recoiled to his previous position. She realised that he was disturbed by the night's events so checked his drip and turned to leave.

"I am going to check on some other patients but if you need me press the buzzer ok?" (_He looked up and nodded)_

"Wait! Can I make a phone call?"

"Yeah of course you can, I'll get you a phone."

She left and returned a few minutes later with a phone on a trolley that's wheels buckled ever few centimetres. The noise was loud and irritating to all the other patients around the cubical, however Conal didn't react it was like he was desensitised to all sound including human speech. He slowly picked up the receiver; it was shaking in his hands as he couldn't find the steadiness to dial the number. When he had finally calmed his nerves enough he had to think who he should tell, then he remembered the Ste had told him that whenever he needed him, he was only on the end of the phone. The phone rang. It was an agonising wait for Ste to pick up and when he finally did Conal couldn't collect his thoughts and express them in fully formed sentences.

"Hello?"

_Silence_

"Is anyone there?"

"St…Ste"

"Who is this?"

"Conal" (_his voice was shaky and timid)_

"Conal…" (_He was struggling to identify the quiet voice) _

"Conal O'Malley" (_His voice was stronger as he attempted to make Ste realise it was him)_

"Oh Conal, are you ok?"

"It's Brendan…"

He paused.

"What's wrong?" (_His voice was taking a concerned tone as he feared the worst)_

"Brendan…there was an accident and Brendan was hurt badly and I don't know what is happening and they won't tell me and… "(_His voice was become more broken as it slowly descended into sobs of desperation)_

"Ok. I'm comin' down to the hospital, you just stay there ok?" _(He frantically started packing clothes into a bag and writing a note for Noah)_

"I won't move" (_He was relieved that Ste didn't make the phone call awkward. He lay back on the on the pillow and closed his eyes)_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Ste rushed through the corridors of the hospital until he found a reception desk. He didn't know what to say. I mean what could he say really? "My ex-boyfriend's boyfriend has called me because they have been in an accident and oh yeah I still have feelings for him." No. He gathered his thoughts and approached the desk.

"Hello how can I help you?"

"Um… I… I am…" (_He stopped and looked at the floor)_

"Are you hurt sir?"

"What? No." (_He suddenly came out of a daze and realised what had just been said)_

"Then how may I help you?"

"I am looking for someone."

"Ok what is their name?"

"Brady, Brendan Brady." (_Even in times of disaster stating Brendan's name gave him a sense of power and status that he was associated with him)_

The receptionist dialled a few numbers and typed various different things into her computer until finally she had found his location.

"Ah yes Mr Brady was admitted to intensive care three hours ago." (_Her tone of voice became less full of achievement as she realised what she has just told Ste)" _I'm sorry would like me to get someone to take you there?"

"No that's ok."

"Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"Yeah actually can you find another person for me?" (_It had just occurred to him the Conal was the one who called him not Brendan)_

"Sure what's the name?"

"Conal, Conal O'Malley."

The receptionist repeated the same serious of actions.

"A Mr Conal O'Malley was admitted to A&E four hours ago."

"How do you get there?"

(_She gestured to Ste with her hands and her voice was soft as if she was trying to make up for her earlier insensitivity)_ "Follow the signs down the corridor and when at the bottom turn left into some automatic doors and it is in there."

"Thanks"

Ste walked slowly down the large, spacious corridors looking at the ground and trying to deflect attention from the tears that were welling up in his eyes. He finally came to two automatic doors with A&E plastered in big red letters across the top; people were rushing in and out which knocked Ste off balance leaving him on the floor, vulnerable and alone. A nurse realised he was there and came to help.

"Hello there my name is Caroline can I help you?"

"I'm looking…"

"Ok what are you looking for?" (_She leaned down and reached out to Ste who was still looking at the floor)_

"His name is Conal O'Malley"

"Oh - Yes Mr O'Malley. He is through here" (_She pointed to the door as she extended a hand to help Ste from the floor)_

"_W_ould you like me to take you to him?"

"Yeah please." (_He grabbed onto her arm and pulled himself to his feet)_

There were all sorts of people in the A&E as it was a busy Saturday night. Children were screaming, people were being sick, there was blood, broken bones and of course individuals who had had too much to drink. Ste walked behind Nurse Caroline as he absorbed all of the sights, sounds and smells around him, then they came to a cubical and Nurse Caroline stopped outside.

"Ok here he is. Now go careful he is weak and needs his rest." (_She put her hand on Ste's, waited for him to gesture a reply and then left.)_

Ste opened the curtain to observe Conal who was lying on a trolley with a bruised face, plastered leg and an arm in a sling.

"Conal?" (_His voice was cautious)_

Conal stirred, turned to face Ste and opened his eyes.

"Ste? Ste! Oh thank God you're here!"

"What is goin' on Conal?"

"We had an accident...and Brendan was hurt."

"I know that he is hurt, I wanna know why he is hurt!"

"There was a car and we crashed and it was my fault…it is all my fault!" (_He broke into sobs of tears)_

Ste looked closely at him. He was angry, he knew that they were drunk and he also had told Brendan not to drive. But as Ste tried to maintain his anger he saw Conal's sorrow, and how badly traumatised he was by the day's events so he went and sat next to him. He lowered he face so he was looking at the floor and then put his arm on Conal's shoulder. Conal turned to Ste and for the first time realised how young he looked, especially in the glaring florescent lights. He took Ste's hand in his and squeezed it firmly and when he did Ste stared at him as if he had just had a vision of the past. He was thinking about the way that Brendan used to squeeze his hand like that, it was reassuring and having Conal do it made him feel strangely connected to Brendan in a way that he longed so badly for.

"Are you ok?"

"Nice of you to ask!" (_His voice took a sarcastic tone)_

_(Avoiding the question) "Is_ your leg broke? "

"Don't know I'm waiting for the X-Rays."

"I'll wait with you." (_He got up from the bed and sat on the chair)_

"Where is Brendan, do you know?" (_His eyes looked hopeful as he waited for Ste to speak)_

"Yeah I do he's…"

Ste stopped. He tried to think about how to word this next piece of information.

"For goodness sake Ste spit it out!"

"He's in Intensive Care, he was admitted four hours ago and that's all I know. Sorry."

Conal's hope faded from his eyes as he registered the devastating news. Then he turned to Ste who was staring into his lap as if he was trying to burn a hole in it.

"I want to go and see him and I want you to come."

"I can't… He wouldn't want me to." (_He was desperately trying to make excuses but they all sounded as pathetic as the next)_

"Stop doing that. Stop trying to make excuses. He is my partner and you are my friend and I NEED you to help me."

Ste was taken aback by Conal's forcefulness and he knew it was an inappropriate time but it turned him on. He couldn't help wondering to himself though if he and Conal were indeed friends. I mean it was awkward enough seeing him with Brendan around the village and now they were going to sit by his bedside -together. It just felt weird. But Ste couldn't deny that Conal needed him and therefore he decided that he would do this for him and not Brendan or himself.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter four

The Tannoy System was loudly informing patients and staff throughout the hospital. Ste pushed Conal in a wheelchair along the large, spacious corridors, past the reception desk he had been to, past X-Ray, outpatient's areas and the café until they got to the entrance of Intensive Care. Ste stopped dead in his tracks.

"Here we are." (_He pointed to the door)_

"I'm scared Ste, what if he is really badly hurt?"

Ste took Conal's hand like he had done before and squeezed with that connected; firm grip like Brendan's and Conal knew what had to be done. Ste pressed the buzzer and waited for a reply… A woman answered.

"Hello?"

"Oh hello my name is…" (_He stopped and pushed Conal closer so he could explain)_

"My name is Conal O'Malley and my partner Brendan Brady is here and I would like to see him please."

The women didn't reply for at least a minute or two and when she did it gave both men a fright.

"I'll buzz you in."

Ste pushed Conal through the heavy doors and as he struggled with their weight a nurse on the other side was sitting at the desk looking on in amusement.

"You think this is funny do ya?" (_His voice was pretending to be angry as he did his famous shoulder shrug)_

"Ste leave it we are here to see BRENDAN not fight with the nurses. Anyways it ain't like we are going to get a date at the end of it."

Just at that moment another nurse came through a pair of double doors round to the front of the desk.

"Hello how may I help you gents?"

"Hello my name is Conal O'Malley and my partner was admitted here about four hours ago."

"Ok, what's her name?"

Ste broke in.

"Brendan. Brendan Brady." (_His voice was strong and proud but then he realised what he had done and resumed his pervious stance)_

"Oh sorry" (_She looked embarrassed)_ "Mr Brady is through there – would you like me to take you to him?" (_She only looked at Conal whilst putting and emphasis on YOU)_

"I want Ste to come with me."

(_Looking at Ste)" _And what is your relationship with Mr Brady?"

"I am a friend." _(His voice sounded disappointed)_

"Ok if you would like to follow me." _(She gestured towards a door on her left and Ste pushed Conal through)_

The room was very wide with huge windows at the far end looking out over the road, there were three beds in total but only two were occupied and the room was full or expensive state-of-the-art medical equipment. Brendan was lying on the bed furthest from the door. As they got closer Conal and Ste realised he was on a ventilator. He had three drip stands surrounding him, a heart monitor and a countless number of bandages over his body. Their faces dropped. They couldn't believe what they were witnessing. Brendan, Brendan Brady lying so helplessly fighting for his life and the only thing that was preserving it was machines and medicine. The nurse came into the room.

"I am deeply sorry for you both. You must be tired, here sit." (_She pulled a chair from the side of the bed for Ste)_

"What's wrong with him?" (_His voice sounded shy as if he only asked the question because he felt it was the right thing to do)_

"Would you like me to get the doctor to explain to you in detail?"

Conal's face grew angry as the nurse avoided his question. But Ste could see the situation becoming more heated and decided to intervene.

"Yeah, ta" _(he forced a smile in an attempt to defuse the situation) _

The nurse smiled and went out of the room.

"What you playing at Conal? What ever happened to "don't fight with the nurses?"

"Sorry I just…"

Ste stopped him and tilted his head upwards so there was no escape from what he was going to say.

"I know you're scared but we are going to do this together, ok?"

"Ok." (_He pulled away from Ste and lifted his head to look over at Brendan)_

"I'm here Bren" (_He took Brendan's hand)_ "you don't have to be scared."

Ste went over the other side of the room so as not to ruin their intimate moment with his apparent jealousy. Just as he was walking back to his seat the doctor came in.

"Hello I'm Doctor Kellerman. I am the consultant doctor in charge of Mr Brady's care."

"I'm Ste, a friend of Brendan and this is C…"

"Conal O'Malley Brendan's partner"

"Hello. _(He shook his hand)_ I understand that you would like to talk to me about Mr Brady's condition?"

Yes (_His eyes were fixated on Brendan.)_

"Well I am afraid he has suffered some pretty severe injuries as a result of the accident."

Ste broke in.

"How bad?" (_His voice was broken and his eyes were misty)_

"He has substantial damage to the left side of his brain meaning that the right side of his body isn't functioning as it should."

Conal was still staring at Brendan's naked chest. He reached out and ran his fingertips through his soft yet masculine cheat hair. Ste went over to him.

"I think you should listen to the doctor." _(He didn't look at Brendan or Conal; instead he stared into the distance)_

Conal nodded and Ste turned him to face the doctor who had sat down to create a friendlier atmosphere to deliver such terrible news.

"As I told your friend Mr O'Malley Mr Brady has severe…"

"Brain damage, yeah I heard" (_He looked hopelessly at the floor as the doctor carried on talking)_

"He has been intubated and placed on a ventilator to help him breathe and we are treating him with a course of antibiotics as he has developed an infection around the damaged area."

Ste held his hand out for Conal to grab and as he did both men turned to each other and started to cry. The doctor left the room as both men sat embracing and attempting to console one another.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

The blaring spring sunlight was piercing through the curtains, there were dirty dishes stacked sky high and old take-away containers scattered everywhere – basically the flat was a mess. Ste was still in bed trying to avoid looking at the time when Noah started calling…

"Ste get up!" (_He pulled the covers back to reveal Ste's semi naked body)_

"Leave me." _(He kicked Noah away from the bed and pulled the covers back over)_

"You're going to be late for work at this rate. But fine if you just want to lie in bed all day…" (_He turned to walk away hoping that it would encourage Ste to get up)_

"Ugh fine!" _(Ste kicked the covers off and got up) "You_ are so irritating!" (_He stared at Noah who gave a smile of achievement and walked out of the room)_

Ste got dressed into his work clothes, brushed his teeth, combed and styled his hair and then went into the kitchen for some breakfast.

"How are you today?" (_Noah was making coffee in a weak attempt of gaining Ste's forgiveness)_

"Ok." _(He was lying through his teeth)_

"Good because I thought we could go out tonight?" _(He held Ste's hands and stood on his tiptoes like a schoolgirl with exciting news)_

"I would love to but…"

"You're working? Typical."

"I'm sorry it's just with Brendan in hospital and Cheryl staying with him most nights there isn't anyone else who can do the shifts." _(He looked pleadingly at Noah trying to make him see his dilemma)_

"No Ste I'm the one who should be sorry I know it has been hard at work since the accident. I just feel like we never have any time together anymore. You know all work and no play – and I like play." _(He put his hands gently on Ste hips and pulled him closer. Ste pulled away leaving Noah feeling rejected)_

"I'll see ya later, we can talk then." (_He left)_

As he walked to the club Ste seemed dazed and numb, he had been like this for the last two months since the accident and there were no signs of change. The village felt bland and lifeless to him now that Brendan wasn't here and nothing- not even Noah's exhilarating 'nights out' could help him overcome that sense of loneliness he felt surging through his body. Work was the same. There was nobody their looking over him, criticising him, telling him to work faster or making jokes about his small, unchiselled body. There was no Brendan! He filled all these gaping holes that Ste had and now he was gone there was nothing that came close to replacing him.

Ste was working the late shift one night when he got a phone call.

"Hi Ste it's Conal."

"Oh hi Conal, what's wrong" (Fear was sweeping over him causing his body to become tense)

"Nothing's wrong, it's just they are going to take Brendan off life support tomorrow and I want you to be there." _(He sounded ecstatic as he relayed the news to Ste)_

_Silence_

"Ste, Ste are you there?" (_Conal's voice became more concerned with every passing second of silence)_

"Yeah I'm here, I just can't believe it that's all. When are they going to do it?" (_His tone of voice started to change into something more positive)_

"Twelve."

"Ok I'll be there."

"Thanks Ste that means a lot."

"It's ok. See ya tomorrow." _(He put the phone down)_

Ste, without looking, slowly lowered himself down onto a bar stool behind him as he stared into the distance contemplating the conversation he had just had. Brendan, Brendan was going to be awake for the first time in just over two months! He then had the sudden realisation that he would have to tell Noah and he knew he wasn't going to be happy. Noah hadn't liked Ste visiting Brendan in the hospital and he got shirty every time he did so Ste stopped to avoid confrontations, but he wasn't going to miss this not for Noah or for anyone.

At the hospital Ste walked along the large, spacious corridors like he had done before, past the same old reception desk, X-Ray, outpatient's areas and the café until he got to the entrance of Intensive Care. He stood for a while, willing himself to press the buzzer and when he did the same, familiar woman's voice answered.

"Hello?"

"Hi it's Ste Hay; I'm here to see Brendan." _(He waited anxiously for a reply)_

"I'll buzz you in."

On the other side of the same heavy doors, which didn't seem to get any lighter, Conal was standing talking to the doctor.

"Oh Ste you're here."

"Yeah sorry I'm late I got lost" (_He was barefaced lying as he knew the way to Intensive Care like the back of his hand)_

"It's ok you're just in time, come on." _(Conal led him through the same double doors into the same room like before where a group of people were standing.)_

"Ah you must be Mr Hay?" _(The man's voice was deep and somewhat reassuring – "like a proper doctor" Ste thought to himself)_

"Yeah I am, and who are you?" (_His tone was defensive)_

"Ste this is Mr Parker, the anaesthetist who is going to wake Brendan up." _(He gave a sharp look at Ste so as to make him regret his tone)_

"Oh right, sorry."

"No need. Now shall we." _(He gestured towards Brendan's room and everyone followed on behind)_

As they walked through Ste's body burned with anticipation. He saw Brendan lying in the same bed, in the same lifeless position he had maintained for the last two months. The doctors and nurses surrounded Brendan's bed as they discussed what they were going to do. Ste and Conal could only hear faint whispers of medical jargon which meant nothing – so they stopped straining their ears trying to make sense of it.

"Ok gentlemen we are ready to extubate."

Both men stayed perfectly still as the watched the delicate procedure. Firstly they injected Brendan with an anti-sedation drug, next they reduced the amount of oxygen the ventilator supplied until it reached a very low level; meaning it was safe to remove the tube from Brendan's mouth. The nurse waited for Mr Parker's instructions whilst Conal and Ste waited with baited breath, when he gave the signal the nurse undid the tube connector allowing Mr Parker to slide the tube out of Brendan's mouth. Brendan coughed and spluttered as he gasped for breath. The nurse quickly placed an oxygen mask over his mouth to relieve his discomfort – then she turned to Ste and Conal.

"He still very weak and his voice may take some time to return but he is able to hear and see you." _(She smiled as if it was one of the perks of the job, then she left to give all three men some space.)_

"Brendan…" _(Conal rushed over to his bedside to hold his hand.)_ "We are so glad you are ok!" _(He gestured to Ste to come over and talk to Brendan.)_

Ste approached the bed with caution as he was unsure what to expect. A few weeks ago he and Conal were told to consider turning off the life support and now Brendan was breathing on his own! If Ste needed anymore reassurance in his life never to trust authority – this was it.

"I'm glad you're ok Brendan, work has been a nightmare without you!" _(Both Conal and Ste produced a smile which made the situation a whole lot less tense)_

Brendan moved his arm away from Conal's making him feel slightly rejected however he didn't let it show.

"Conal should I go?"

_(Conal turned around)_ "Why do you ask that?"

"Cos I thought you two would want your space that's all."

Before Conal could answer Brendan was limply flicking his left hand towards the door as a signal for Ste to leave. Ste got the message and left. Conal and Brendan were alone. Hours passed without either of them moving or saying a word until the nurse came round with dinner.

"Here you are Mr O'Malley." _(She placed the tray of dinner which was shepherd's pie on the table.)_

"Thanks." _(He looked unenthusiastically at the plate)_

"So has he said anything yet?"

"No but I am hoping he will soon." _(His voice was anything besides hopeful and the nurse sensed this)_

"It takes time to recover from something as serious as this so try and be patient." _(Her voice was soft and understanding)_

"Yeah I know - thanks."

"It's my job Mr O'Malley." (_She smiled, put her hand briefly on Conal's shoulder and left the room)_


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

The walk to work seemed less painful now that Brendan was getting better and the day seemed to feel shorter also as Ste had something to hold onto . Hope. Hope for Brendan's full recovery. Ste and Noah's relationship was stronger now that Ste spent less time occupied with thoughts of Brendan and Conal spent 4-6 hours less at the hospital than before. Yes all seemed well.

Ste was at home alone one night when the phone rang…

"Hello?"

"Oh hello please may I speak to Mr Steven Hay."

"Speaking"

"Oh hello my name is Rebecca Farnsworth and I am a night shift nurse on Intensive Care."

As soon as the words "Intensive Care" were spoken Ste's body tensed with fear.

"What can I do for you Rebecca?" _(Ste tried to hold his composure)_

"Mr Brady is asking to see you."

"What?"

Ste couldn't comprehend what she was saying. Brendan didn't want him anymore; he had Conal why would he want him instead?

"Mr Brady is very insistent Mr Hay that he wants to see you."

Ste knew how Brendan got when he was "insistent" on something.

"Ok I'll come see him."

"Thank you Mr Hay – it is much appreciated!" _(Her voice sounded relieved)_

When he got to Intensive Care he was expecting the same old routine, buzzer, wait, heavy doors etc. however this time it was different; there was a woman standing outside waiting for him.

"Hello Mr Hay – thanks for coming I'm Rebecca, we spoke on the phone."

"Yeah I remember." (_He smiled and she smiled back)_

They walked through to Brendan's room where he was leaning against some pillows which were holding him up. Ste didn't waste time. He wanted to know what had possessed Brendan to, in the middle of the night, get a nurse to call him up and ask him to come and visit him out of the designated visiting hours.

_(Ste turned to the nurs_e) "We will be ok."

_(She got the message and turned to leave) _"Ok, but if you need me I'll be right out here."

"Ok."

Ste approached Brendan whose eyes seemed to be glazed and empty.

"Ok, come on. What the hell is going on Brendan?" (_He crossed his arms and impatiently waited for an answer)_

"I…" _(He stopped and turned away to look out the window)_

"Go on…"

"I was going to get Conal to tell you." _(His voice was broken and even more chesty than usual)_

"Tell me what?" _(He was both intrigued and annoyed)_

Brendan looked down at his lap and Ste turned to walk away.

"I'm paralysed."

It was blunt. He didn't hold anything back. There was no debate about it. Ste could see the tears in his eyes, he so desperately wanted to comfort him, to hold him and tell him that everything was going to be ok. But he couldn't. He couldn't do that to Conal; not after what they had been through together in the last few months, it had brought them closer, connected them and Ste wasn't going to demolish that trust and friendship for something he knew he couldn't have.

Nothing came out of Ste's mouth for a while. He sat and looked at the floor, then out of the window and then he paced up and down.

"Stop doing that, it's annoying." (_Brendan rubbed his eyes with his left hand to show his frustration)_

"Sorry." _(Ste sat down next to him)_

"I don't understand Brendan." _(He looked at him with those same old gorgeous eyes)_

"What's not to understand Steven. I am paralysed."

"Yeah I know that, I just don't understand what _bit _of you is paralysed?" _(He looked up and down Brendan's body trying to work it out)_

"My right arm and leg." _(He pointed just to make sure Ste understood)_

"So what, like a stroke?"

"Yeah kinda."

"So does this mean you can't walk no more?"

Brendan shook his head.

"Does Conal know?"

"Corse he does – he was here when I was told. In fact he never leaves my side."

A sudden moment of realisation came over Ste…

"So is that why you called me in the middle of the night? So he wasn't here?"

_(Brendan nodded) _"I just needed to tell you myself, you know man to man."

"Hardly." _(Ste smiled and Brendan nodded whilst retaining his laughter)_

"So what are you going to do now?"

"I don't know Steven. Lie here and wait."

"For what?"

"For someone to move me, ha."

"Brendan that's not funny!" _(However Ste did feel the sensation of laughter building up inside him and it was getting difficult to suppress)_

Ste stayed by Brendan's side the whole night. He knew that it was Conal's place in theory and not his however, the way Brendan talked about Conal's clingy nature made Ste realise that he needed some other male company. He left just before 7:30 am. Brendan was fast asleep and the doctor was just about to begin his ward rounds when he caught Ste leaving.

"Oh hello Mr Hay, how are you this morning?"

"Hi, I'm fine thanks." _(Ste tried to sound confident as he attempted to identify the man standing before him)_

"You don't recognise me do you?"

"No. Sorry." _(Ste sounded defeated)_

"I'm doctor Kellerman the…"

"Doctor in charge of Brendan's care… I remember."

"That's it! I'm just on my way to see him now." _(He started walking towards the double doors Ste just came through)_

"How is Brendan? I mean, really."

The doctor sighed.

"Shall we have a seat?" _(He pointed to the relative's room)_

Ste walked slowly, trying to prolong not knowing the true extend of Brendan's injuries.

"Mr Brady…Brendan's injuries are far more serious than we first thought Mr Hay."

"Ste, please call me Ste."

"Brendan has a sustained a large amount of damage to the left side of his brain meaning that his right side…."

"Is not working… I know he told me last night." _(He was becoming agitated by the doctor's slow pace)_

"Yes however it is more than that." _(He looked directly at a frightened Ste) _"He has an infection that we are unable to treat without surgery."

"So do the surgery, make him better."

Ste struggled to understand what the big deal was.

"It isn't that simple, Mr Brady has refused surgery on several occasions and we have done all we can medically, now we need to operate."

Ste looked blankly at the doctor, searching his mind for answers; however he found none. He went back to Brendan who had just woken up, he sat silent and still until Brendan was aware of his presence.

"Hey, what are ye doing here Steven?" _(He pushed up slightly on his left hand however it was a weak attempt and didn't get him far before he fell to the bed again)_

"I want answers!" (_His arms were crossed)_

"I thought I'd given them to you last night?..." _(Brendan's voice and expression was confused)_

"Not all of them! When were you going to tell me that you have refused surgery?"

"How do you know that?" _(Brendan flushed trying to contain his feelings like always)_

"It doesn't matter how I know, it matters that you are refusing to have it done." _(His hand was subconsciously moving towards Brendan's)_

Brendan said nothing. All Ste's attempts to make him open up over the course of their relationship and the times when they were separated had failed; so what was going to make Brendan start now? Ste looked at him both ashamed and devastated, he couldn't deny he still loved him and that he didn't want any harm to come to him but nothing was going to change Brendan's mind – Ste knew that.

"If you're not going to tell me what's wrong then I am going to go home and talk to someone who actually wants to have a civil conversation with me!"

"Who?"

"Noah!"

Brendan laughed.

"Civil? Yeah Noah is the best lad to have a conversation about "civil" rights, ha!" _(He laughed at his own cleverness)_

"Ugh even a whack to the head hasn't changed you!"

Ste stormed out of the room.

"Ah no Steven come back… I was only joking Steven… Steven!"

Brendan's frustration was beginning to overwhelm him both physically and mentally. He wasn't getting any better, he had Conal down his throat all the time, he had doctors telling him that they had to operate, he hadn't been out of this bed for more than an hour a day for over three months and now Steven was angry at him. He wondered if his life could get any worse!


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter seven

It had been two weeks since the visit to the hospital and Ste couldn't put it out of his mind. He knew that the doctor didn't say it in so many words but Brendan was going to die if he didn't have this surgery. Ste wanted to talk to someone about it, honestly and openly. So he could express his true feelings about Brendan without any prejudgement from anyone. He couldn't do that with anyone he knew as they all hated Brendan's guts – Noah, Amy, Rae and Warren (well he was hardly going to talk to him!). He desperately tried to think of the one person who DIDN'T hate him though, the one person who loved him no matter what… Cheryl! Oh why he didn't think of it before he will never know! But even though they have had their ups and downs before the accident, they have put it in the past and are now stronger for it.

There was just one small problem. Brendan was hardly going to tell his little sister, who he had spent most of his life trying to protect , that he was about to die. Ste decided that the only person in the world he could talk to about Brendan was Brendan. He wasn't going to like it; in fact he was going to hate it! However Ste couldn't just sit back and watch him die, he wasn't going to have that hanging over him for the rest of his life so he made his way to the hospital…

When Ste got to Brendan's room it was empty. Brendan had disappeared. Ste went out and down the corridor searching for doctors, nurses, anyone who could tell him what was going on. Eventually he found Brendan's doctor.

"Oh hi you probably don't remember me, I'm Ste…"

"Hay, yes I remember."

They really had to stop meeting like this Ste thought.

"Where is Brendan?"

"He's gone for a walk." _(He pointed down the corridor)_

"Gone for a walk?" _(Ste was struggling to understand)_

"In a wheelchair."

"Oh." _(Ste laughed at his own naivety)_

"He was driving us all mental, saying that he hadn't been out of his bed in weeks so the nurse has taken him for a walk."

"Oh, is it ok if I wait here for him?"

"Yes of course, he shouldn't be long."

Ste waited for ten minutes until he saw Brendan coming round the corner of the corridor.

"Oi Steven, wanna lift?" _(He was going at a reasonable speed, smiling and laughing like he used to)_

Ste smiled. It was the first glimpse of the old Brendan he had had in months so it was a welcome sight.

The nurse parked Brendan next to his bed and called another nurse to help him back into it. They wrapped Brendan up in a sling and attached him to a hoist which was much safer that lifting him. Ste observed silently - thinking to himself how vulnerable Brendan looked and, indeed was, now. Once Brendan was back in his bed Ste took the opportunity to close the curtain surrounding them; making it more personal and harder for either one of them to escape the conversation.

"What you doing here Steven?" _(He looked tiredly at him)_

"I'm here to talk."

Brendan turned away to look out the window but Ste had planned for this type of distraction and went over to pull the blind.

"Oi what ye do that for Steven? It's my only part left of the outside world."

"I want to talk about the surgery…" _(He looked at Brendan sternly yet with sympathy for his condition)_

"I'm not gonna tell you again Steven – I'm not having it done, end of."

"Yeah end of you if you don't!" _(He looked sharply at Brendan before softening his glare)_

"Why can't you just accept my wishes Steven? – I never asked for any of this and now that I have got it I just want to get rid of it as quickly as possible!"

Ste couldn't believe what he was hearing. Brendan WANTED to die, but why? What was so horrible in his life that would make him want to end it like this? No, he wasn't just going to be complacent like usual, he was going to make him see that the world would be a much darker place without him in it.

"When you were on life support we thought you were goin' to die."

"Good."

Ste ignored this and carried on.

"I came to see you, more than once, but Noah stopped me. I wanted to hold you and tell you that everything was ok and that I was here but… _(He stopped. His voice was pained)_

"Ye did that for me?" _(He was trying not to sound desperate for an answer)_

"Yeah because despite everything, all the crap you put me through, all the nights apart I still care for you. And I don't want you to die!"

There was nothing anyone could say at this moment to change the mood. There was some unspoken language between the two of them which seemed to be stronger than human speech. Brendan looked up at Ste who had sunk deep into his arms to hide his tears.

"Steven…"

"Yeah."

"Will you do something for me?"

"Anything." _(He truly meant that)_

"Call Conal, tell him I need him."

Ste's heart sank slightly with the mention of Conal's name. However Ste knew that he was Brendan's boyfriend and he had every right to see him, although it didn't demolish the hurt that Ste felt after having had such a meaningful conversation with Brendan – it felt like it meant anything now that he was probably going to have the same one with Conal.

"Sure – will do."

"Cheers"

Ste got up and turned to leave. He looked back at Brendan for a brief second.

"Does this mean you will think about it?"

"Yeah, suppose I better if I mean that much to ye!" _(He laughed as Ste headed for the door)_

"Oh Steven, one more thing…"

"What?"

"Open the blind for us."

Ste rolled his eyes. Same old Brendan, even if he couldn't see it. Ste was going to make it his mission to save him.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter eight 

Conal sat next to Brendan just looking at him, every part of him. He noticed that there was something different, maybe it wasn't visible to the naked, untrained eye but there was something. Brendan had lost something much more than just the use of the right side of his body, he had lost his drive, determination, power and presence on the world. He no longer cared if he was dead or alive, liked or hated, he lay motionless all day every day until he was forcibly moved from the bed. Conal did his best to maintain spirits, he just wanted the old Brendan back but he knew, like Brendan, if he didn't have the surgery soon he was going to deteriorate even more. The changes were already clear.

Brendan was Conal's first love. He meant the world to him and they did everything together. Brendan amazed him right from the beginning with his sheer determination and forceful nature, but it had become softer and settled as they grew closer and Brendan made him feel special, appreciated and understood. He wasn't about to let him slip through his fingers so easily; he promised himself that he would never let any man get the better of him and Brendan was no exception.

"Bren, Brendan you awake?" _(He softly stroked his face in an attempt to wake him up)_

"What you want Conal – I'm trying to sleep!" (_He tried to pull the covers up over his face but it was difficult and didn't achieve the desired result)_

"We need to talk."

"Ugh – Conal just in case it has slipped your mind I'm not really in the mood." _(He turned back to face the window)_

"I don't want to be fobbed off anymore Brendan we don't have much time."

"Fine, but you ain't going to change my mind!"

"I love you Brendan and I don't want you to die." _(He leaned forward and grasped Brendan's hand)_

At that moment a glimmer of emotion crossed Brendan's face. He had heard those words before and yet they meant nothing to him now, he was numb to Conal's attempts of saving him.

"Conal…" _(His voice took the tone of resignation)_

"Don't! Don't say a single thing, I can't be dealing with this it's too much!" _(He was practically shouting down to Brendan who looked frightened)_

"I'm sorry."

"No Brendan I'm sorry, sorry you are going to remove such an asset to the world." _(He stared into Brendan's sad and lost eyes and left)_

Later that day….

Ste had been at work all day and was looking forward to a quiet night in with Noah. He was tired and wasn't really looking where he was going…

"Oh I'm sorry I didn't see you… Conal?"

"Oh hi Ste." _ (His eyes were misty and his face was red)_

"Are you ok?"

"No it's Brendan… we had a fight and I left him."

"What?" _(Ste's anger was slowly building up)_

"He's making a mistake and I can't watch him do this to himself!" _(His face turned cold and angry)_

"I can't believe you would do that to him!" _(His voice was quiet almost like it was supposed to be a thought in his head)_

"What do you mean- he's not thinking about me, what about what I need?

"You are the most selfish, self-centred, arrogant and callus man I have ever met! And I hope that Brendan sees the light and thanks the lord that you have left him, because anyone who leaves their seriously ill boyfriend to die because they can't deal with their own emotions doesn't deserve them in the first place!"

Conal was speechless. He tried to think of a comeback but he knew that everything Ste had just said was one hundred percent right. He knew that what he had just done was unforgivable and that Brendan was better off without him.

"I can't be with him." _(His face was like stone)_

"Then tell him, he is going to die with this on his shoulders – thinking it is his fault if you don't!"

"Yeah your right, I'll go to see him." _(He walked away)_

Conal arrived at the hospital after spending three hours thinking about what Ste had said. He thought about all the times that he and Brendan had been intimate with each other and he realised that the way Brendan had loved him was careful, considerate, like he had something to prove. He realised Brendan didn't love him. He merely cared for him and that wasn't the same thing.

Brendan was lying in the corner looking as if he had been crying. He was staring out of the window at some children crossing the road, they were laughing, something Brendan hadn't done in a while and it made him long for his own children even more. He had told Eileen that he didn't want them visiting him in this state and that he would only allow it if the worst was upon him – and it was.

Conal approached Brendan with caution as he knew this could go one of two ways. One Brendan could breakdown and tell him that his life isn't worth living without him at his side, or two the most likely option, he would be so angry at Conal for leaving him in his time of need that never wants to see his face again.

"Brendan...?"

"Mmm" _(He didn't flinch one bit from his glare out of the window)_

"I came to apologise, I am so sorry."

Brendan turned round to face Conal and looked deep into his emerald green eyes, they always did attract him, even now.

"Go on…"

"We both know deep down that I am not the one you want." _(Brendan's face looked guilty as Conal continued) _"You want Ste don't you?"

Brendan raised himself slightly from the bed, straightened his neck and looked deeply at Conal; it was almost like he was preparing to deliver an extremely important speech.

"I loved you once." _(His eyes were deep and full of confession)_

"When did you stop?"

"I don't remember."

"Did you ever start?"

Brendan's face lit up with a mixture of emotions consisting of guilt, compassion, hatred, fondness, anger and kindness however love was not present, and it never was and never will be.

"No."

Conal looked at the floor to hide his emotions.

"I'm sorry Conal."

"Brendan, I love you and I always will deep in my soul but we both know that unrequited love never works so I think this is for the best." _(He got up and leaned into Brendan, kissed him on the forehead and gently rubbed his shoulder. Then he whispered into his ear.)_ "Goodbye, I will never forget you."

Conal lifted himself from the bed as Brendan pulled him closer and whispered back…

"Neither will I." _(Conal left, eyes straight all the way)_


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter nine

Seven long draining weeks had passed since Brendan and Conal said their farewells and Brendan was still slowly deteriorating. He hadn't spoken since Conal left, Cheryl had tried to engage him in a conversation however nothing seemed to work and she was running out of ideas. Ste had resisted going to see Brendan after a run-in with Noah about it but he knew that he would have to face it sooner rather than later.

It was late one afternoon and Cheryl had just come back from the hospital to pick up something from the club when Ste stopped her…

"Hi Cheryl how are you?" _(He tried to sound positive)_

"Oh Ste… _(She hung her head in Ste's arms and started to cry)_

Ste returned with a comforting cuddle.

"How is he?"

"Not well. The doctors…they said that the window of opportunity is nearly closed."

Ste sat with Cheryl cradled in his arms with his hand gently rubbing her back in an attempt to soothe her and his pain.

"I just can't make him see, he won't listen to anyone."

"I wish there was something I could do Cheryl."

At that moment Cheryl rose from Ste's shoulder, wiped her tears and turned to face Ste.

"There is."

"Anything."

"Can you talk to him?"

Ste's face froze. How could he go and see him after what he said to him the last time? He was a complete bitch.

"Please love, it would mean the world to him." _(Her voice was desperate as she practically begged Ste)_

"Ok, I'll go." _(He got up from his stool and Cheryl gave him a huge hug)_

"Thank you."

Ste, once again, made his way slowly down the large, spacious corridors past the reception desk, X-Ray, outpatient areas and the café until he reached the same old daunting doors at the entrance of Intensive Care. He pushed the buzzer harder and with more meaning than ever before and the wait for a reply seemed to last an eternity. The once heavy doors became feather-light as Ste was on a mission, the mission he promised himself to complete – save Brendan Brady!

Brendan was looking out the window onto the world when Ste walked into the room.

"You know if you have the surgery you could be out there sooner than you think, enjoying life rather than just enduring it until your time comes."

Brendan looked round to see Ste, standing in a beam of sun, looking almost Godlike. His gaze met Brendan's and both men seemed to connect once more without the need for words.

"What ye doing here Steven?" _(He desperately tried to hide his delight however it was immediately apparent to Ste)_

"Not pleased to see me then?"

"It depends if you're here to _talk_?"

"No I'm just here to be with you while I can." _(He smiled and sat on the chair next to Brendan's bed)_

"Steven I'm sorry for before I was being my usual inconsiderate self, can you forgive me?"

"Of course I can. The question is can you forgive me?"

"For what?"

"For not considering your feelings and wishes."

"They're not the easiest to be considerate of, I accept that."

"Brendan I am not here to disapprove I told you that." _(His voice was soft and caring)_

"Yeah sorry it's just something I do."

"It's ok."

"Ah." _(Brendan's face was screwed up in pain)_

"Brendan? Are you ok, do you want me to call the doctor?" _(Concern swept over Ste's face and rendered him motionless)_

"Na, the doctor said it would be like this, you know – towards the end."

Both men flushed at the reality of the situation before them, unable to offer any words of comfort at this moment.

"Please don't hate me Steven."

"I don't and never will." _(His voice was serious)_

Time passed, the two men sat chatting and watching telly. It was like for a few hours they seemed to forget the reality of coming events and just lived in the moment.

"Brendan?"

"Yeah Steven."

"Are you sure about this?"

"About dying?"

Ste flinched and then nodded.

"I don't want to be a burden Steven."

"That isn't answering my question."

"I just want my family and friends to have a life, free from caring for me ye know."

"Are you avoiding me?"

Brendan looked awkwardly out of the window however Ste pressed on with the matter.

"Brendan you are completely sure this is what you want right?" _(He leaned into Brendan, looking deeply into his eyes)_

Brendan sighed and hung his head in shame.

"Steven I know what it is like to care for someone who can't do anything for themselves – it's draining." _(He kept his head looking down)_

"Who are you talking about?" _(He was deeply intrigued by this piece of information as Brendan was very secretive about his private life before moving to the village)_

"My mum…"

"Go on…"

"She was in a wheelchair and I looked after her until it became too much."

"What happened?" _(Ste was patient and understanding which made Brendan feel at peace telling him about his childhood)_

"School found out and took me away from her, I had to go live with my dad and I hated it." _(His face seemed to display something that Ste had never seen before – vulnerability)_

"So where is she now?"

"She died a few years ago – she lived in a home."

"I'm sorry."

"It's ok, I've dealt with it." _(He was lying through his teeth, something Brendan did as naturally as breathing)_

Brendan went to sleep for a few hours and Ste took a walk around the hospital. He was still contemplating the revelations of Brendan's past and how it has affected his presence, principles and decision to die. He made his way back to Brendan's room to find him talking to the doctor.

"Ok Mr Brady and you understand the procedure?"

"Yeah I understand."

"Good the nurse will be along in a few minutes to prep you for theatre."

Ste came over to Brendan who was signing a piece of paper.

"Hey, you ok?"

"Yeah I'm just signing the consent form."

"For the surgery?"

"Yeah."

"What changed your mind?"

"My mum never gave up and I would be dishonouring her if I did. She fought to the bitter end and that's what I shall do!"

"I'm glad to hear it."

"Will ye come with me?"

"Where?"

"To the operating theatre."

"Yeah, course." _(He smiled and Brendan smiled back)_

At that moment the nurse with the team of anaesthetists came in to the room…

"Are you ready Mr Brady?"

"Yeah."

As the moved Brendan's bed down the corridor Ste grasped Brendan's hand and held it tight. It felt like the walk lasted hours as both men feared for what was to come. The doctor had told them that there was only a twenty percent chance of clearing the infection fully now that it had been left to develop, however he did seem positive that they were doing the surgery just in time.

When they reached the anaesthetic room Brendan was shaking. Ste held his hand close to his chest for reassurance which seemed to steady Brendan's nerves slightly.

"Please may we have your hand Mr Brady" _(He gestured to Ste's hand)_

"Oh yeah sorry." _(Ste let go and moved back to let the anaesthetists work, looking slightly embarrassed and awkward)_

"Would you like to say goodbye." _(He looked at Ste)_

"No I'll say see ya later."

"Wait! Steven will you do something for me?"

"Yeah anything?"

"Promise you will be here when I wake up – I mean as more than just a friend."

Ste moved over to Brendan, leaned in and kissed him lightly on the forehead.

"I thought you'd never ask." _(He smiled)_

As Brendan fell asleep Ste was ushered out of the room with a distinct feeling of victory. He had not only saved Brendan Brady but he had finally got exactly what he wanted – mission accomplished!


	10. Chapter 10

_Note: __This is going to be the final chapter, thank you for everyone who has reviewed my story; it means a lot especially as this is my first attempt. There will be a sequel to "I Will Take Care of You" soon but until then thank you so much! :)_

Chapter Ten

Brendan was coming home today! It had been a long wait and everyone was just happy to know that the surgery was a success. Brendan and Ste were finally together after what seemed to be an eternity of denying their feelings and once more peace was restored to both lives – well as much as could be, knowing Brendan Brady!

One last trip down the same large, spacious corridors past the reception desk, X-Ray, outpatient areas, the café ending with the entrance of Intensive Care. One more push of the buzzer, one more wait, one more struggle with the stone-like doors, one more walk through the double doors into the wide room with the huge windows and only one Brendan Brady waiting at the end.

"You already to go?"

"Yeah?"

"Ok, how do I…?" _(He pointed to the wheel Brendan's wheelchair)_

"Oh you just…" _(He pulled the brake up)_

"Oh, I'm going to be useless at this aren't I?" _(Ste laughed awkwardly)_

"You'll be fine." _(Brendan placed his hand over Ste and kissed him gently on the lips) _"That's why I chose you."

"Oh right you chose me?"

Brendan smiled.

"Hello Ste."

"Nurse Caroline?"

"Yeah that's right."

"You two know each other?"

"Yeah kind of, she helped me when I was in A&E."

"Since when were you in A&E?" _(Brendan's eyes lit up with curiosity)_

"I was looking for you." _(He kissed him on the lips whilst giving Nurse Caroline a glare)_

"Mr Brady I need you to sign the discharge papers and collect your medication from the reception desk and then you are free to go."

"_Free" _Brendan thought to himself. The word had never sounded to beautiful and liberating in all his life and yet it meant so much to him now, not only was he leaving hospital a relatively healthy man but he now had the freedom to be with Steven.

Once the papers were signed and the medication collected Brendan and Ste said their farewells to the staff.

"Thanks for everything doctor." _(He shook his hand slightly awkwardly as he had to do it with his left) _

"It's my job and pleasure Mr Brady, I wish you the very best." _(He placed both his hands over Brendan's to make it easier)_

"Goodbye ladies and thank you for everything."

"That's our job Mr Brady, it has been…"

"Interesting, exhilarating, eye-opening? _(He smiled with his tongue in cheek and the nurses smiled back)_

"We wish you both the very best."

_(Both)_ "Thank you."

"Come on Steven – homeward bound!" _(He laughed as Ste pretended to be annoyed)_

"You know what Brendan?"

"What Steven?"

"We are going to have to get you and electric wheelchair!"

Both men smiled at each other as they walked out of the hospital into the open world. Neither of them thought that this was going to easy but after everything they had been through together, they knew that this was just a new chapter in their lives waiting to be written.


End file.
